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It’s when reality comes in.. Then I begin to wonder.. Over and over again………

I don’t if I’m stupid. In love. Or just hard headed. Moreover. A hopeless romantic where in the end.. il hear the words “and they lived happily ever after…”

Everyone in this world has a different story to tell.. A different version to exaggerate. A secret to spill and a pride to swallow.. You should hear mine (haha.. lols… it’ll take us ages..)

Maybe if u read this u know how deeply I’m hurting.. This is just a portion of my story to tell.. The 6th chapter of my book perhaps.. This part where I start to write a letter at some point to the person I love..

So here it goes………………….. (Take a deep breath. Relax.)


“Sometimes.. I wish I was like you.. You’re different.. You’re strong.. You’re a good person.. You know what you want.. You know where you’re going.. You have a direction.. You can get what u want.. When u want it u pursue it.. You can tell me a lie and I’ll believe it.. You’re great at driving.. I like how u smile when u see cats and dogs.. I like how u know things I don’t.. I like it when u know the things you’re not supposed to and can be witty about it.. I like how u can be a smart ass and walk off easily,, I like how u treat me when you’re in the mood..You can be a gentleman and be natural about it..”

“I wish I was like you.. Who could trust better.. Like you.. Who could wake up and not feel any doubt.. I wish I could hug u and not worry that it’ll be my last.. Like you..I wish I can go to bed at night without worrying what you’ll do next.. I wish I can go to bed when were fighting.. Like you...I wish I could ignore you especially when u need me.. I wish that when I wake up its not u I’m thinking about.. like you..I wish I was addicted to something’ like games.. I wish it’s not u I like to talk to.. Like you,, I wish I could keep secrets from u. I wish I could lie to u.. I wish I could just ignore my phone when I’m busy or when I want to.. I wish I could play arrogant on u.. I wish I can turn a blind eye on u.. I wish I don’t feel any pain when I know some things not right. “

“Like you..I wish I could go to bed without even saying good night.. I love you.. I wish I could continue doing something when were fighting.. Like you.. I wish I can change moods and not care how u think about it. I wish I could easily forget.. I wish that I don’t feel any remorse when I yell at u.. Scold u or curse you.. I wish its not u I’m thinking about all the time.. Like you I wish I can walk out on u.. I wish I can go home and just sleep about it.. Like you I wish I could say NO.. I wish I am tired all the time..”

“I wish I’m not this weak when it comes to u.. I wish u didn’t make me fall for u and allowed me to hit rock bottom twice.. Like you..I wish i didn’t make u feel worthless.. I wish I was like you who can replace me easily.. I wish I was like you ..”

“I hate feeling this way.. Its killing me.. I wish I was more like you so I won’t have to get thru all this.. I won’t mind. I could just go on.. It hurts. It really does.. “

“I love you so much.. I’ll do everything.. Anything for u.. All I ask is when u don’t want me anymore.. when you’re thinking about another girl.. Just let me go.. Tell me. It’ll be easier that way,. U and I both know that when the time comes we have to part ways. U know how hurt I’ll be.. It’ll hurt so bad that I don’t want to get up out of my bed. When every inch of me is weak,. But if u don’t want me. Let me go. Don’t hold back thinking about me.. I want u to be happy.. Even if it doesn’t involve me.. Even if it means.. Letting u go and starting all over again..”

Tsktsktsktsk……….. Sad right?....................

So here’s the dilemma.. Having the courage to hold on.. or ……. The strength to let go.. hmmmmmmm… girls girls girls…. “What if he can change.. what if it’s just a phase.. what if it’s my fault.. what if I’m over doing it.. What if this time its different.. What if.....................”

Another side would go.. “What if he’s just waiting for me to let go.. What if I’m not good enough.. What if I let go I might regret all of this.. What if we’re going to be happy again?”

‘What ifs..………………… “

A girl can sacrifice so much for the one she loves.. Even if we are treated badly…. A girl can close her eyes just to skip that part but doesn’t mean that our ears aren’t working.. a girl can love a guy so much even if she isn’t noticed..

A girl’s heart can never be whole again once broken. A piece will always be missing. But it doesn’t mean that that heart will stop beating. It doesn’t mean that heart can never love again……….. Instead it means loving even more to fill in the part missing..